♥
sad... ...
and so pathetic... ...
yeah, sorry, i lost my dignity again, why does it becomes an issue with u? even though u were the one who offered and threw it in my face, becos i lost whatever dignity i had with u, ages ago... tt's why it matters so how. i dunno who reads my blog, but yeah... i didnt ask him after tt. i just felt so bad, after tt... i know everythign and everything, the fact tt u only sms/call me when there's noone else left, and whenever u're at zouk, so i'm saying wed and fri.. yup. just sad, when someone who used to matter so much to u, just treats u like smtg to hang arnd the arm. and it's fuckign shitty to ask for a favour from pple who treat u like tt, no matter whatever the circumstances are. and the most ironic thing was tt, it wasnt even MY own friend, tt was so fuckign cheapsake, miscommunication. i didnt make it clear, tt's y i was wondering y MY own friend was lidat, then i realised it wasnt my friend, when i opened my mouth, thank god, the stupid idiots went off. IDIOTS, at my expense, my pride is very strong. esplly with him, i lost ALL of my pride a yr back, and i'm not gonna do it again.
i heard so many stories at zouk, at dempsey. dun understand why. nope nope.
at least i tried to stop thinking abt it when i was at zouk, the music was so awesome, but when u reach home, and there;s no friends, no music arnd, yeah, then it just sank in...
but cheryl said tt it wasnt embarassing for me, but for him, cos he cldnt liv up to what he said, but i dunno i just feel blah...
i dun hate him, i dun think he's bad, but i just dunwan him arnd me in tt kind of manner, cos all along, it was just hanging arnd on his arm. and he insults me, when he speaks to me. so fucking bastard, he doesnt realise it, but he does, it's all in a sexual way. as much as gusy think tt it's flattering, i dun think so, i have enough of guys speaking to me in tt way, i dunwan pple tt matter to me nor used to matter to me, to speak in tt way, it's degrading to whatever we have... so maybe we nv had anythign at all...
but all in all, i managed to clear my mind nd stop feeling tt way in zouk, thanks to canto five ten, i like tt game, i dun care how kiddish SOME pple find it, i liek it, and we finally had supper with justin, haha, usually we will be too high or tired, and at the very least norman got high, slighty so, but at least, he wasnt his usual quiet stoned self.
so i guess it was a gd night, and i digged the cap tt martin gave me, THANKS!!!
